June 2, 2012

LifeGuards808.com is a Men's Sexual Addiction Therapy Group that meets weekly in two different locations on the island of Maui in Hawaii.
The first group meets at Hope Chapel in Kihei, while the second group meets at Waipuna Chapel in UpCountry Kula. 

Before someone can be part of either group he must...

1) Contact the therapist (Ross Gunn III) using the Contact website pages at LifeGuards808.com or at SkyviewCounseling.com and let him know your desire to be part of LifeGuards808. 

2) Ross Gunn III will then call you to set up an appointment for an initial meeting. Ross will also email you his Professional Disclosure Statement which will help you to understand ... 
A) The therapist's approach to counseling, his education, experience and world view as a Christian therapist.
B) The rights and issues of the client while part of LifeGuards808.
C) The federal, state and LifeGuards808 limits and exceptions to confidentiality.
D) The amount of time involved each week with LifeGuards808 in therapy and the general length of time a person is in therapy.
E) The client's goals, responsibilities, accountability, motivation and the use of homework in therapy.
F) The cost charged at the beginning of each month for being part of the weekly two hour LifeGuards808 therapy group.

3)  In addition to sending you his Professional Disclosure Statement the therapist will also be emailing you a Intake Questionnaire.  The questionnaire helps the therapist to get to know you better and to understand the various struggles you are facing with your addiction.  All information is confidential, unless it involves breaking the law. 

Again, if you are interested in being part of a LifeGuards808 therapy group then please go to www.LifeGuards808.com or www.SkyviewCounseling.com and fill out the contact form. You will be contacted immediately and a interview will be set up.

In the King's Service,

Ross Gunn III
Part of Skyview Counseling LLC
Office / Cell: (360) 991-7700
Email: Help@LifeGuards808.com
Mail: Skyview Counseling LLC  c/o Ross Gunn III
PO Box 532605  Kihei HI 96753-9998

Critera for Sexual Addiction

While growing up, the term "sexual addiction" was never in our vocabulary. We always thought that if a guy or girl had continuous desire for sex that they were just "horny", affectionate, lustful, reprobate or just being a “Guy". Today we have a little better understanding of both “Substance Addictions” (such as … alcohol, drugs {Illegal or prescription}, nicotine, caffeine and/or food) and Behavioral Addictions (such as … sex, gambling, spending, shopping, stealing, cleaning or working). To have an “addiction” means that a person has an unhealthy desire, commitment and use of a substance or a set of behaviors. To meet the criteria for an addiction, including a Sexual Addiction, some of the following must be present...

1) There is a repetitive pattern of unhealthy thoughts, feelings, choices and/or behaviors that involves or is the result of the addiction.
2) There is a significant amount of time spent on thinking, planning, preparing, obtaining, using and/or recovering from the addiction.
3) There is a sense that life or parts of life are out of control because of the addiction.
4) There is an ongoing internal battle to stop or control the addiction.
5) There is an inability to stop or completely control the addiction.
6) There are sometimes damaging or sever consequences because of the addiction.
7) There is an inability to stop or fully control the addiction in spite of the damage, consequences or pressures from others.
8) There are often random and/or sever mood changes because of the addiction.
9) There is a growing desire for more in order to maintain or achieve the same effect.
10) There is a continual pursuit of unhealthy, damaging and/or risky behaviors associated with the addiction.
11) The addiction becomes a way to medicate or cope with the stress, pain and/or pressures of life.
12) There is a damaging and/or destructive pattern of attitudes, moods and behaviors that harms oneself and others. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, volitionally (i.e. the ability to make healthy choices), physically and/or relationally.
13) There is a neglect of important relationships, work and/or activities because of the addiction.
14) There is a sense of guilt and shame because of addictive behavior.
15) There is a sense that the addiction has impacted and damaged their identity, purpose, significance, value, worth, security, sense of belonging, dreams and/or desires.

There is a belief among many counseling professionals that if a person meets at least four of these criteria then they are struggling with an addiction. Often there are both men and women that can identify with all 15 criteria. The impact and damage that SA has on a person’s heart, thoughts, feelings, choices, behaviors and relationships can be overwhelming.

If you have a sexual addiction please drop me an Email. I would like the opportunity to encourage you and help you break free from this damaging addiction.

Ross Gunn III
Skyview Counseling LLC
Office / Cell: (360) 991-7700
Email: Help@SkyviewCounseling.com
Website: http://SkyviewCounseling.com
Mailing Address: Skyview Counseling LLC  c/o Ross Gunn III
PO Box 532605 Kihei HI 96753-9998

Four Stages of SA Behaviors

Often people are confused about the different stages of sexual addiction. People tend to believe that one inappropriate sexual behavior is just as inappropriate as another. This generalizing of behaviors tends to put people who are just starting to develop an addiction with those who are deep into their sexual addiction and who have severely damaged their "heart" (identity, purpose, significance, sense of belonging, values, security, theology and how they process pain and reward). In addition, sexual addiction tends to go through phases of development and becomes more inappropriate each time the person is unable to break free from their cycle. The shame of being unable to break from their cycles and rituals only further enslaves the person while strengthening the addiction. This is similar to struggling while stuck in quicksand or encoiled by a large snake. The more one struggles the worse the situation becomes. Trying to break free by oneself is nearly impossible. This is why getting help from a Christian counselor who specializes in sexual addiction and being part of a sexual addiction accountability group that separates people according to their sexual behaviors is so important.

The separating of addicts according to their sexual behaviors is essential for one's recovery. It is unwise for a stage #1 client to be put with a group of people who are struggling with stage 2, 3 or 4 sexual behaviors and vice versa. The stage #1 client will often get a 'education' from those in other stages that will only develop and increase their sexual knowledge and behaviors . While those in other stages will tend to shut down because of the shame factor and/or will try to 'fly under the radar' if they are put in a lower number accountability group. Assessing a person's sexual behaviors (i.e. sexual behaviors done within the last 5 years) is critical to helping a person be put in the right accountability group. Once in the right group the client has an opportunity to be with other sexual addicts who know and understand their struggles and can share with them the tools and insights they have learned in breaking the cycles unique to their addiction.

* Once a person meets or exceeds the criteria for a sexual addiction (see criteria listed below) then their sexual behaviors often fall into one or more of the following four stages. The addict should be put in an accountability group that reflects the highest stage number (i.e. Stage # 1 > 4) of their sexual behaviors and which causes the most distress to the person and their family. It is essential that the addict be 1000% truthful in this assessment order to derive the greatest benefit from their accountability group and in their recovery. (Note: If a person has a sexual behavior that was acted upon in a one time event, that was not 'normal' in light of their history, then this should be discussed with their therapist or group leader before being put in a accountability group. Sometimes these events need to be discussed in their context so that they are clearly understood. Addicts and therapist need to be aware that there is a tendency to minimize these events unless clearly understood.)

Stages of Sexual Addiction Defined
Stage #1 Inappropriate sexual behaviors where there is no contact or interaction with a living person. Sexual Behaviors involving one or more of the following… compulsive masturbation, sexual magazines/ books / TV / Video / DVD / Internet / downloading pornography, sexual and/or occultic role-playing games and/or "adult" bookstores.

Stage #2 Sexual behaviors that have a verbal, visual and/or physical contact with a living person. Sexual Behaviors involving one or more of the following… sexual chat rooms, phone sex, live Internet sex shows, strip & lingerie clubs, prostitution, one night stands, affairs, multiple sexual relationships.

Stage #3 Sexual behaviors that intentionally cross boundaries and are often predatory in nature. Sexual Behaviors involving one or more of the following… voyeurism, exhibitionism, nudism, frottage, 'shock' sexual acts (sexual phone calls, masturbating in public places etc.), the taking clothes of the opposite sex. Stage #3 also includes the targeting, grooming and taking advantage of adult sexual victims.

Stage #4 Sexual behaviors that are often either … harmful to oneself or others, and/or contrary to heterosexual relationships, and/or predatory in nature, and/or is highly illegal, and/or unusual/bizarre. Sexual Behaviors involving one or more of the following… multiple sexual experiences needed daily, sex with total random strangers (i.e. anonymous sex), risky sex (i.e. with known STD/AIDS carriers), threesome, homosexual, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, grooming and/or having sex with family members, grooming and/or having sex with infants, children or minors, sex with animals, dead people, occultic sex, sex that involves the torturing of animals, BDSM, the use of drugs or weapons to obtain sex, or sex that involves trafficking, torturing and/or the murder of people.

Understanding S.A.
1) Oddly enough, S.A. is not totally about 'sex'. SA is about shame, denial, lies, control, thinking errors and medication. It’s also about heart issues (Matt. 5:28; 15:19; Eph. 4:17-19)… identity, purpose, values, significance, morals, personal theology, a sense of belonging and how a person handles pain and reward in their life. Often S.A. is about medicating something from the past - trauma, abuse, abandonment, pain, lies, and/or family issues. Sometimes a person is unable to identify what they have been medicating on their own. This is often because the issue is firmly embedded in a person's family system and there is a family history of inappropriate transgenerational sexual behaviors.

2) S.A. is similar to eating foods. We all have basic hungers and appetites. However, some foods can harm or you kill you. Therefore, it is essential to eat that which is healthy for you. Similarly, by nature we all have basic sexual desires and needs. However, sex outside of marriage can be very damaging and has the potential to kill your most valued relationships, while destroying your life. On the other hand, sex between a husband and wife can be very positive and healthy as they learn to develop an intimate / growing / nurturing relationship.

3) Although, stopping obsessive sexual thoughts and compulsive sexual behaviors is a top priority. The primary focus of SA recovery is to rebuild and develop a life based on truth, trust and integrity which is reflected in a person's heart, thoughts, feelings, choices, behaviors and relationships - before the Living GOD, spouse, family and the world.

Ross Gunn III
Skyview Counseling LLC
Office / Cell: (360) 991-7700
Email: Help@SkyviewCounseling.com
Website: http://SkyviewCounseling.com
Blog: http://SkyviewCounseling.blogspot.com
Mailing Address: Skyview Counseling LLC c/o Ross Gunn III
PO Box 532605 Kihei HI 96753-9998

Phone/ Video Counseling

Skyview Phone/Video Counseling

My name is Ross Gunn III and I have been professionally counseling men and couples since 1998. Prior to that point, I was a Pastor for 25 years counseling individuals, couples and students on a number of issues. Recently, I have been doing a lot of Skype / phone counseling with men and couples who have busy schedules but who are serious about working on their issues. Currently, I do Skype or phone counseling on Monday through Saturdays starting on the following hours... 9am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm, 7pm, and 9pm.

The areas I specialize in are ...

* Sexual Addiction (Stages 1 > 4)
* Heart Issues: Identity, purpose, values, significance, security, belonging, pain & reward, trauma, abuse, abandonment, lies, and personal theology.
* Thinking errors, emotional dysfuction and blackmail, unhealthy choices, inappropriate behaviors and unhealthy relationships.
* Building and keeping Healthy Relationships

There are some prerequisites to Skype or phone counseling ...

A) Contact Skyview Counseling at (360) 991-7700 and set up an appointment.
B) Once an appointment is set and some basic information is gathered then Skyview Counseling will then send the client an Email with the following information ...
     1) A Professional Disclosure Statement. This explains the counselor's credentials, education, background, type of therapy, limits to confidentiality, costs and contact information.
     2) A Intake questionnaire. This questionnaire will help the counselor to better get to know the client and their issues. Ideally, this will help shorten the number of sessions and will help the counselor address the client's core issues.
C) Counseling must be paid for prior to session. The cost of “Skype / phone counseling” is $145.
D) Payments are to be made in advance using a credit card and paid using "Square".
E) When doing internet video conferencing the therapist will provide you with the internet program that will allow internet conferencing that is secure.
F) Once an appointment is set then the counselor will call you at the phone number you desire, at the appointed time.

If you wish to set up a counseling appointment please contact me at ...

Ross Gunn III
Skyview Counseling LLC
Office / Cell: (360) 991-7700
Email: Help@SkyviewCounseling.com
Website: http://SkyviewCounseling.com
Blog: http://SkyviewCounseling.blogspot.com
Mailing Address: Skyview Counseling LLC c/o Ross Gunn III
PO Box 532605 Kihei HI 96753-9998

June 1, 2012

The Fall is more than a Season!

The Fall is more than a Season
The Fall and the Winter are more than Seasons to the Sex Addict. It is a time for them to sharpen their tools and take their Recovery very seriously. Over the last 12 years I have noticed my client load seems to increase every year between November 15th and February 15th. Why??? My theory is that it is because of ...
  • The stress of the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Martin Luther King, Super Bowl and Valentines Day).
  • The financial stress and pressure to provide for the family during the season.
  • The ties to the dysfunctional bio & step families.
  • The failed expectations of the bio & step families of the client.
  • The darkness of the seasonal weather - which is depressing.
  • Various triggers that drive the client to medicate (HALTSBAD: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Stressed, Bored, Anxious, and/or Depressed.
During this period of time I encourage all of my clients to take extra measures to guard their heart - their relationship with GOD, their identity, purpose, significance, values, sense of belonging, need for security, and be aware of how they are processing pain and reward.
I also encourage them to spend time with healthy friends who can encourage them and hold them accountable. I often tell addicts who are just starting into their recovery to stay away from dysfunctional family members who are either addicts, codependents, control freaks, people who are black or white thinkers and/or who like to control through shame and guilt. These people love the drama of hurting and fixing others. Those who are in recovery need to break away from their Child / Parent mentality and become healthy adults.

The Fall and the Winter are more than Seasons to the Addict. It is a time to sharpen their tools and take their Recovery very seriously. For more information about sexual addiction visit my website or contact me to make an appointment.

Ross Gunn III

Skyview Counseling LLC
Office / Cell: (360) 991-7700
Email: Help@SkyviewCounseling.com
Website: http://SkyviewCounseling.com
Mailing Address: Skyview Counseling
c/o  Ross Gunn III 
PO Box 532605, Kihei HI 96753